I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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