please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Vodka?
Forever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
