You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
