am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
