I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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