The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my poor anus
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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