Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
