im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
