Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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