can u get pink eye on your cock?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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