you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
