i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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