redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
