We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
