wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
