we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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