hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize