no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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