its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize