Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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