i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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