Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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