you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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