Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
