They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
