Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
