I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
