Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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