I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
