so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
