And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
