His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
