I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize