I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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