I think I won the penis lottery.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize