Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
