I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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