i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
