im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
