Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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