She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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