I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
