Whod you bang
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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