...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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