Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
