This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
