I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That's how pantless uber rides happen
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
