I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
