i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
