I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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