im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
