I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
