At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
