At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
