wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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