every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The Olympian is in my bed
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