I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
