How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
