So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
