I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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