when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dignity is for republicans.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
