I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
