So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
