Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize