Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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