I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
