I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
