I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
