Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
