Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
