i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We are all done wearing pants today
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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