I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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