u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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